maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
