i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
