his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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