she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
