so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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