In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
