new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
