Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You need Xanax blowdarts
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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