I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
