My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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