i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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