im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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