I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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