Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
