Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
