The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
