Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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