Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize