Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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