maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
