Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
