I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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