eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
