im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize