i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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