whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
