I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
