you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
