It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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