Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
