He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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