Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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