Princesses don't give blow jobs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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