ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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