Umm I'm too high to move.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We had sex on a dog bed..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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