guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the day after is always just damage control
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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