You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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