Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
