I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
