Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
