What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize