Fine. I'll sleep in my office
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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