My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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