Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize