Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
