can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize