He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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