Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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