So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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