I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize