You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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