Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize