yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I touched a dick in church today
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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