He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
