I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize