Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
