I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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