If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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