i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
