phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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