...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
