So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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