The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
