There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So squirting runs in the family.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
