obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she looked like the before picture.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
