Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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