On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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