we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You can't motorboat a personality
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
