just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
