At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
