Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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