I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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