there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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