I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
