chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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