My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
