note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
