i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
