I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize