I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
