omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
