I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
