Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
