The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
