He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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